By Fatima Wahab Babih
Parricide: “the act of killing one’s father, mother, or another close relative” (Dictionary.com).
Sierra Leone has lost a true son of the soil, Dr. Barba M. Koroma, a scientist for the U.S. federal government and a passionate patriot of our homeland. He has been an active pillar of the DMV Salone community for many years.
I have known Barba since my brief stay with my mother’s family in Bo Town during my teen years. I remember a very studious fine young man, with a very pleasant disposition and manners. He was always well dressed and looked professional. He was a teacher at the Ahmadiyya Secondary School, where some of my cousins were his colleagues. We also lived in the same Kissy Road neighborhood, and he was a frequent visitor to our Johnson Street residence to see his colleague.
Barba was like an older brother who always looked out for me. In a bustling town where teen girls easily fell prey to horny schoolboys and sugar daddies, Barba was a guardian. Once I went along when he and a couple of colleagues were going out of town, on a day trip to a graduation ceremony at Bumpeh Secondary School, where a friend of mine was among the graduates.
Of course, Barba was already a trusted older brother, or I would not have dared. But such trusted adults often take advantage of naive young girls and sexually exploit them. Not my brother Barba. He was my guardian on that trip, making sure I was comfortable and allowed me the freedom to hang out with friends, as he kept a watchful eye on me and those wide-eyed schoolboys from Bo and other towns.
I told him years later, when we met again in the U.S., that I respected him and held him in very high regards since that particular instance. He confessed that he liked me but felt responsible for the very young and vulnerable girl I was at the time. I appreciated this highly because, during that time, I faced many instances of sexual harassment by men and boys, relatives and nonrelatives. Which led me to slap some across the face and even kick some in the groin, as Mama told me I had a right to do when inappropriately touched.
I count Barba as one of the brothers who protected me in that vulnerable environment and helped me avoid the pitfalls of teen pregnancy and otherwise delinquent behaviors many girls succumb to in our era and even today. Such guardianship allowed me to have lots of fun, without engaging in risky behavior. I always had Barba and my male cousins as dance partners and escorts at afternoon jumps, matinees, sports, and other social activities. This was why I always danced with Barba when we run into each other at Salone parties in the DMV.
Our brotherhood/sisterhood relationship continued in the U.S., even though our separate rat race lives got in the way sometimes. But whenever we got the chance, Barba and I would talk and discuss our personal and professional lives. I knew when he was married for many years without children. He frequently expressed his longing for children.
I shared his excitement when, after his breakup with his wife, he met a young lady he described as the perfect woman with whom to start a family. Since the birth of his first daughter, who I know he named after his mother, our conversations always revolved around his children.
I know Barba was a dedicated family man, a hands-on father; one of a few such breeds among Sierra Leonean men in the diaspora, who are wont to abandon their children, especially when relationships with the mothers go sour.
This is why I find Barba’s death at the hands of his beloved son, Barba Jr., not only very tragic but also ironic. This is a child for whom he longed and prayed; cared for, nurtured and was actively engaged in his development.
Barba definitely deserved a better ending as a loving and committed parent. But as a Muslim, I defer all matters to the Will of the Almighty, Ruler of the Heavens and Earth who Has power over everything and is the Knower of all things, hidden or manifest. We belong to Him and to Him is our return. So, I cannot even try to figure out why such a tragedy would befall us, to lose a caring and loving parent such as Barba Koroma, by parricide. But Allah Knows best.
A Call to Salone Community: please pray & Do Not Judge
As usual, social media is currently abuzz with Sierra Leoneans speculating, theorizing and rationalizing why Barba Jr. stabbed his father to death. In my view, this is not how we should be engaging as a community in the wake of this tragedy. Especially at this early stage that not much has been found or revealed by the police regarding the case.
Nonetheless, one thing is for sure, something went terribly wrong in the mental realm of our boy, which propelled him, regardless of the reason, to viciously attack his father with intent to kill him.
Therefore, what we should be doing as a community, first of all is pray for our late brother, his family and our community. We also must engage in some introspection as members of a community that has lost one of our own in this manner. We must reflect on our attitudes about mental health, especially that of our youth. We must start paying close attention, asking questions and addressing the mental health issues of our young ones. As a youth advocate for many years in the DMV, I am privy to the acuteness of this problem in our community, which we tend to gloss over or sweep under the rug.
I believe it is incumbent upon our community leaders, including leaders of religious and social organizations, to step up and provide youth counseling and mentoring programs, so as to augment parental and school-based efforts to keep our children on the safer side of mental health.
As for those who are making judgments about the late man, I have this to say. Some people say that ‘children are gifts from God,’ which I dispute. Instead, I propose that children are a contract between God and the parents. The parent’s side of the contract is to lovingly and safely guide the child into adulthood, for the perpetuation of the world.
However, the seemingly simple tasks of guiding the child safely into adulthood is very tricky, because the parent has no control over the child’s mind and free will. To put it in an analogy: God hands the parent a ticking bomb (the child), which the parent must carefully take across a river (adulthood), while walking on a shaky narrow wooden bridge (child’s mind and free will). This could result in one of three scenarios, regardless of the level of the parent’s love and care: (1) the bomb could self-destruct (child suicide or failure); (2) it could explode in the hands of the parent (destruction to parents’ property or life); or (3) the parent could safely deliver the bomb across the river (successful adulthood).
Remember, none of the three scenarios has anything to do with the parent being a good or bad parent; it has everything to do with the free will and mental stability of the child. Therefore, as parents and community members, we should pay close attention to our children’s mental health, as we buy them the latest Jordan or Xbox. But above all, delivering that ticking bomb depends on what outcome the Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, has Willed.
Ergo, a seemingly reckless, irresponsible parent (e.g. an addict) could raise a successful adult; yet we find a caring, dedicated hard working parent with a self-destruct or parricidal child. So, parents whose bombs self-destruct or are destroyed by them are no lesser than the parents who raise children into successful adulthood. It is only by the Will and Grace of the Almighty.
May my beloved brother, Dr. Barba M. Koroma’s soul rest in eternal peace! May the Almighty provide his family and all loved ones with the courage to bear this terrible pain! I also pray that Barba Jr. eventually finds the peace that escaped him on the day he exploded, killing his loving and caring father, who I’m sure he loved.
MAMA SALONE ~ Lioness of the West Coast 